Monday, September 28, 2009

Bad Isn't Always Bad

As part of The Gratitude Challenge, today I'm supposed to write a thank-you note for some of the "negative" things in my life. It's not easy to look at the things I consider bad or disappointing or negative and say, "Hey thanks, Universe, I'm really grateful for that crap you've been sending me lately." The more I think about it, though, the more I know there is a positive spin to all that stuff I've been resisting. It may not be obvious and it may not take away all the troubles of the negatives, but it certainly makes them more bearable.

Dear Universe,

Thanks for all the family drama. There's certainly been a lot of it. Of most recent note was that family spat last week that had my stomach tied up in knots. The conflict wasn't exactly a blessing, but in the midst of it I realized how grateful I am to still have a father, to be able to talk to him every week and tell him I love him. I recognized that despite the strain among members of my family and the problems that broken homes can cause, I have love and support almost everywhere I turn. It may not come from the people I expect, and it may not be the result of blood ties, but it is there and it buoys me every day.

Thanks, too, for helping me step out of my comfort zone and walk the spiritual path that is right for me. Having been part of a particular group and then losing that integral connection in my life, I've been carrying around hurt and anger for quite some time. But in a conversation with a friend over the weekend, I also realized that I'm grateful for those broken ties and rejections of the past, as well as for the connections that remain despite what I like to call "the break-up". I'm healing and I'm finding that I'm stronger and more courageous for having lost that community. I wish it hadn't been that way...I wish I hadn't had to let go of that part of my life. But in the end, I was able to hold onto those things that I strongly believe in and let the conflict and doubt dissipate. It's not easy to turn away from something that has been ingrained into my being for so long, but having to defend my position and stand firm in my beliefs has strengthened them (and me) in a way that I never could have imagined possible.

Thanks, Universe, for showing me the way and helping me to see things from new vantage points. Sometimes life is hard, sometimes things suck, but in the end I will find meaning and purpose in all of it--even if it's only a tiny glimmer of hope.

3 comments:

Erin M. said...

That was beautiful, Ami.

I am sorry you had to let go of a group of friends...that couldn't have been easy. But it sounds like you are surviving and coping quite well.

And you are right about family and almost-family bonds. I tend to take those for granted.

Ami said...

Thanks, Erin. Not only is this an exercise in gratitude for me, but I'm finding it's a great writing exercise, too.

Reluctant Housewife said...

Breakups are always hard, no matter form they take. I'm glad you've turned it inside out and changed it into a positive - that shows strength.

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